I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you never un-have a 4some
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
