Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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