I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
where are you?
Hypothermia
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
