i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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