You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
