thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
