have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
