I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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