are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
