I wish life had little blips of pornography
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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