On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
bring money and cleavage
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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