He asked to "fluff my boner.."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
