I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
