How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
