this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
