So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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