Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
