think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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