And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
