weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
