I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
