At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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