She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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