I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
