Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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