I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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