this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
