oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
