I wish my penis had an off switch
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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