DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
