I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
