I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
