some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
vagina is talking i cant
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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