I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
