The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
