capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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