how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
