I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
