I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
