My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
