so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
