Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
