it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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