i always forget guys have bellybuttons
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
