No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
