I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
