it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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