Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
