Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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