Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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