the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
