What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
