just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
