Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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