I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
and you fell through a lawn chair
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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