Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
