I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
